Dearest Mom

Dearest Mom,

Today is your 56^th birthday and I hope this year will bring a meaningful year to you and to us, the family. Mom, every year I believe that I couldn’t give what you deserve from me. I couldn’t be the best daughter that every mom dreamed of. I wonder if you feel ashamed of having me for the entire life.

Every single day you always voicing out to me to shed some weight and you say I look ugly. And I will always remember what you said that no men wants me and I know that you do noticed that I’d been the center of attraction most of the time because people always making fun over my appearance.

Mom, for many years I did hurt your feelings and make you cry. As I continue failing to impressed you and to be the one that you’d dreamed me to be. But I do try to be at your side as close as I can and keep chasing my dreams so I can make you proud in my own way. Mom, I feel so happy seeing you dressed up happily to celebrate my convocation twice…. Next year will be the third (Masters). I promised myself that I’ll make it to the fourth convocation I next few years and I want to share it with you and Abah.

Mom, not everybody could survive on how you treat us while growing up. But we can assure you that if we survive your “affectionate” … we could survive the world. You’re one patience mother, extremely hardworking but at the same time we are too scared over your thoughts and expression. You can be mean but gentle at the same time. But then we know that it’s you that we can cling into. We are so afraid of Abah and we decide to stay independent and quietly live in our own way. We scared to share our problem to you as you guys continue mocking our weakness. Even Abah called me an Idiot. I’ll always remember that.

Mom, I’m 27^th years old this year and yet I couldn’t accomplish so-called the dream daughter of yours. I look at myself over the mirror and I nearly cry again. I know you are right that I’m ugly and no men will marry me because until today… no one approach me and I'm walking alone most of the time.

As I narrated this rant, my tears keep falling down on my cheek. I’m not the one that cries in front of you. It’s very seldom of you to see me cry. It’s very seldom of you to know what I felt… because my thought is always unheard of…

But who am I to dissing you because you are forever my beloved mother…. Everything you'd gave me is priceless and I couldn’t repay it back as long as I live. At one moment, you and I are like a best friends… we do the girls thing together and most of the time I’ll spent few hours with you just to chill out to any place we go. Mom, I’ll always love you…. No matter what you did to me that hurts me.

Mom, I know Abah will treat you special today and I’ll be envy over his affection and his special present to you…. Mom, I really want somebody to love and treats me good. I think you could understand more than my own feelings could narrated about love. Every single day no one gives their appreciation to me for what I am. I begin to believe that all the dreams that I’d accomplish is useless or wasting everybody's time. I do hope you’ll always pray to God so I can have a husband that will love me because of God. Please don’t keep telling me that no men want me. Every word come from your mouth is a prayer. I’m now terrified to get married because the marriage will end because I’m too ugly to be a wife and the man runs away , looking for better wife rather than me.

Nowadays, love is superficial people only looks for the beautiful outside rather that inside. No matter how hard I’ll pray to God and share my weary with Him, it’s your doa’ that comes first to God…. I’m scared that if you and dad leave me forever… I’ll have nobody to love me.

Happy Birthday Mom, I love You

Yours Truly,

"UFD"

Ugly Fat Daughter.